Page Category: Gallery Snow Man

Unicorn Hunters

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TheDepartmentofNaturalUnicorns(DNU)oftheUnicornHuntersatLakeSuperiorStateUniversityenforcesthefollowingedicts:

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QuestingTerritories

  • Enchantedforests
  • Earth
  • Outerspace
  • Imagination
QuestingSeason

  • AlldaysoftheyearexceptValentine’sDay.Nounicornpursuitallowedduringthe24consecutivehoursoflove.
  • Bow-and-arrowseasonrunsthefirstweekofOctober.Rubber-tippedarrowsonly.
QuestingHours

DayornightexceptwhentheToothFairyorSantaClausisaround.There’sonlysomuchmagicavailableatonetime.

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BagLimits

  • Oneunicornpermonth.Asuccessratiohigherthanthisoftenresultsinaformofeuphoria,whichsometimesrequiresamentaltruss,whichisalsoraretocomeby.
  • Femaleunicornscannotbetaken.Sincenoonehaseversightedafemaleunicorn,itisbelievedthatmalesreproduceasexually.
BandedUnicorns

TheDNUmayhavebandedsomeunicornstoindicateageandaesthetics.Upontakingabandedunicorn,questersmustsendthebandtous.

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QuestingKit

Werecommendthatunicornquestersbringthefollowingsupplies:

  • Seriousintent
  • Generallevity
  • Sweettalk
  • Refreshingbeverages:flaskofcognacforadults,juiceboxforchildren,bottleofmedievalpotionforunicorns
  • Currycomb
  • Pinkingshears
  • Nailclipper(withfile)
  • Hoofandhorntrimmer
  • Hoofandhornpolish
  • Ribbons
  • Arthurianlegendbooksand/orworksbyChaucer
  • Iambicpentameter(optional)
EqualOpportunity

Anyoneandeveryonepreparedtojointhequestwillbeissuedaunicornlicensesolongaspotentialmembers:

  • Followtheabove
  • Paynodues
  • Attendnomeetings
  • Arenicetopeopleandunicornsalike
  • Understandthatin1977,duetopublicconcernoverthen-dwindlingunicornherds,wechangedtheword“hunt”to“quest”onthelicensewhileretainingtheoriginaltitleoftheorganizationbecausewethoughtthatwasfair
  • Travelbackintimeto1971tothanktheDNUcreators:BillRabe,directorofpublicrelations,andEnglishprofessorsPeterThomas,JohnMcCabe,andJohnStevens.Amongmanyothereffortsfromthe1970stogarnermorepublicityforLSSU:hostingaSnowmanBurningonthefirstdayofspringtobidgoodbyetowinter(1971)andcompilingattheendoftheyearatongue-in-cheekBanishedWordsListasasafeguardagainstmisuse,overuse,anduselessnessoftheEnglishlanguage(1976)—annualtraditionsstillpracticedtoday—andpublishingacampusliteraryquarterly, TheWoods-Runner.
  • And,mostimportantly,uponreceiptofmembershipintothisspecialclub,sendusacolorphotooftheunicornquesterdisplayingthehallowedpermit.
  • Thefollowingareoptional:
  • Wearingwonderfulunicorn-huntinggear
  • Riding,feeding,grooming,orhuggingunicornfriends
  • Providingtipsonhowtohuntunicorns
  • Revealingdetailsofunicornsightings
  • Regalinguswithstoriesofunicornhuntingadventures
  • Whenforwardingyourmessage,pleaseindicateifwehavepermissiontosharesuchphotosandrelatedmaterialacrossLSSUsocialmediaandotherplatforms.Ifyoupreferthatwedon’t,wepromisethatwewillnot.(Forinstance,weunderstandwhyadultswouldwanttoprotecttheprivacyofchildren.)WedostillaskforatleastthephotoforLSSUtokeepinitsinternalarchives.
    • Sendto

    marketing@lssu.edu

    Orto

    DepartmentofNaturalUnicorns
    LakeSuperiorStateUniversity
    c/oMarketing&Communications
    650W.EasterdayAve.
    SaultSte.Marie,MI49783

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    QuestingUniforms

    Garbmustbetailoredindividually.WerecommendthecolorsMordredredorGawaingreen,dependingonwhetheryou’rechasingtheunicornorviceversa.Thenagain,we’repartialtopurple—and,cometothinkofit,allcolors. License

    Wealsoconsiderthisactivityaprivilegeandanhonor.Intheeventthatunicornherdsdiminishtonumberssmallerthanfivepersquaredream,adrawingwillbeheldtodeterminelicenseholders.

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    IllustrationsbyMINGE&ChuckThurston;colorizationbyDebCook

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    ThelateW.T.(Bill)Rabe,knownforcleverPRstuntswhenworkingasaDetroit-areapublicist,createdtheUnicornHuntersin1971shortlyafterbeinghiredasLSSU’sdirectorofpublicrelations.AssistedbyLSSUProfessorsofEnglishPeterThomas,JohnMcCabe,JohnStevens,andothers,RabeenvisionedtheUnicornHuntersasonewaytogarnermorepublicityforLSSU,whichhadjustestablisheditselfasanindependentschoolafterbeingabranchofwhatisnowMichiganTechnologicalUniversity.Thegambitworked.Forinstance,anABCNewscrewoncecametocampustofilmstudentsonaquestforunicornsinthesewoodedparts.ThroughitsmagicalDepartmentofNaturalUnicorns,LSSUregularlycontinuestoreceive—andgrant—requestsforunicornhuntinglicenses.

    TheUnicornHuntersmadethenewsoftenforotherseriousplay,too,underRabe,includingtheannual ListofWordsBanished fromtheQueen’sEnglishforMisuse,Overuse,andUselessness.Thishassincebeenspunoffandreceivesnationalandinternationalcoverage;morethan1,000wordsandtermshavebeenbanishedamongtensofthousandsofnominations.AnotherUnicornHunterstraditionisburningasnowmanonthefirstdayofspring.Afterall,theUpperPeninsulaaverages120inchesofsnoweachyear. SnowmanBurning remainsapopulardrawatLSSUaswellastheEasternUpperPeninsula.

    TheUnicornHuntersalsoestablishedoneofLSSU’sfirstliterarymagazines, TheWoods-Runner,aquarterlymailedtothousandsofreadersaroundtheworld.SubscriberskeptuponUnicornHuntershappenings(whichfurtherincludedWorldSaunteringDay,anInternationalStone-SkippingTournamentonMackinacIsland,andTeacherThankYouWeek,plusmore)aswellassampledwritingfromLSSUstudentsandemployeesandothers.

    AlthoughtheUnicornHuntersretiredwhenRabedidin1987, LSSUcontinuestoofferunicornhuntinglicensestoanyonewhowantsone.Scrollupandclickonourrequestboxforinstructions.Alsobesuretoreadourregulationsabove.

    PeterThomas,chiefheraldoftheUnicornHuntersandeditorof TheWoods-Runner,oncesaid,“Thepursuitoftheunicornisalonelyquest,butmanymoreembarkuponthatjourneythanteachersorpublishersmayrecognize.”Thesewordsstillringtrue.WhiletheUnicornHuntersdonotphysicallyexistontheLSSUcampusanymore,manyfolksstillquesthitherandyonforthelegendary,lovablecreatures,thankstoRabeandcolleagues.

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